Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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