Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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