So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she told me i tasted like america
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
