so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
