Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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