It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
