Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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