i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
