stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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