U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
