last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
