I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
