you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
