I need to stop coming to work sober
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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