from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're too hungover to prance.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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