this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
