So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
