I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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