Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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