if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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