I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
