I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize