I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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