wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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