Jerry, you need to find god
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
