once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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