Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
