"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
