i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
