I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
