I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
