Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
