Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
