put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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