I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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