I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
