Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
