tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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