Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
