you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
