last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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