I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
