After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
