i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
