On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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