I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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