yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
