I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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