maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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