I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I checked into jail on foursquare
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
