if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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