Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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