but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
