he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
