I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
