Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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