She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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