My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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