just tell him i said nine months
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
