You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
