all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
