i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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