I am in a vortex of obligation.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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