i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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