You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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