lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
