I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
