she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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