i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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