you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
