i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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